[IELTS]高手请帮我评下这篇作文,是书上的原题题目大概是这样Happiness is considered important in our lifeWhy is it hard to define?What factors are important in achieving happiness?250 words,etc.正文Happiness is a topic that's be

[IELTS]高手请帮我评下这篇作文,是书上的原题题目大概是这样Happiness is considered important in our lifeWhy is it hard to define?What factors are important in achieving happiness?250 words,etc.正文Happiness is a topic that's be
[IELTS]高手请帮我评下这篇作文,
是书上的原题
题目大概是这样
Happiness is considered important in our life
Why is it hard to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?
250 words,etc.
正文
Happiness is a topic that's been talked about for a long time by everybody in the world.Interestingly,there isn't yet clear difinition for it and the way people think about happiness is various around the globe.In the following paragraphs,I'd like to investigate why it's not easy to define and what things might be essential for achieving happiness.
As everybody probably knows,happiness is a type of emotional feeling that you have to show satisfaction about something.But is that really all that happiness is about?The answer is negative.In fact,there are a variety of ways to show happiness,depending on the actual situation.For example,a man would want give whomever next to him a hug if he was just told that he won a lottery prize,and this is a way to show happiness.Also,a girl would probably be really excited if she was invited by a handsome boy for dinner,which is also a kind of happiness.Thus,happiness is actually not as easy to understand as it sounds,because different types of happiness can be very different in many respects,which is the reason why it's hard to define.
Obviously,there are a lot of things you'll probably need in order to achieve happiness.However,trying to make yourself more positive and optimistic is one of the most important factors but also fortunately one of the easiest things you can do.Turning yourself into an optimistic man can help you reach happiness more easily and also faster.However,you'll also need to be persistent,which means not giving up until the very last minute.This often helps when you are confronted with a challenge by encouraging you to go further instead of giving up.
In conclusion,happiness can't be defined in general as it's a pure emotional or physical feeling that's unique for everyone.However,learning what is needed to achieve happiness can be of great assistance to ourselves and might lead to a much better life.
打错一个字：definition

[IELTS]高手请帮我评下这篇作文,是书上的原题题目大概是这样Happiness is considered important in our lifeWhy is it hard to define?What factors are important in achieving happiness?250 words,etc.正文Happiness is a topic that's be
总体看,写得很好,句型以及词汇都很高级,逻辑也很清晰.说理性也很强.估计至少是7.厚厚,我不是雅思考官噢.
几个问题：
1.Happiness is considered important in our life 你对这一点强调不够,只是一带而过.
2.语法错误,这是英国佬最忌讳的,他们认为这样的错误是silly mistakes,他们一眼就能detect出来的,蒙混不过去的.那样分数上会大打折扣的.
there isn't yet （+any）clear definition
the way people think about happiness is various（various很少作定语）The way...differs或There are various ways of defining happiness
what things（should be factors） might be essential for achieving happiness
a type of (a kind of 好一些）
want give （want to give)
for dinner(to dinner,invite sb to...)